Accepting Kind Words is an Art I Am Attempting to Learn

My toughest lesson to date is a work in progress. Accepting kind words.

I have an internal conflict with kind words. They are beyond appreciated. A compliment or some encouraging sentiments can strike up a case of the warm and fuzzies that rings a frequency inside of me for days.

But it will also make me blush with embarrassment like I just woke up realizing there is a poop in my bed. Two very contrasting situations, but very similar senses of humiliation.

Personally, I believe it has to do with my own inability to rationalize what is happening.

I mean, in one instance I would have questions.

“Why, at my age would I poop the bed?”

“Am I sick? Is it a psychological condition?”

“Did I have too much fiber, was I overtired and somehow never woke up?”

“Is it a Baby Ruth? Did somebody sneak a Baby Ruth under our covers?”

Well, I feel something similar when I receive kind words unprovoked out in the wild. I start looking for the rationale that explains why I am not just receiving attention, but actual sincere positive reinforcement.

For me, when I hear someone publicly thanking me, I start to survey the room looking for the life I saved or crime I stopped. Credit isn’t easy for me to accept when I am just doing what I love, and I would feel quite empty without it. I would compare it to someone thanking me for doing an outstanding job eating 2 Packs of Reese’s Big Cups. Nobody asked me to do it, but the Big Cups were sitting there basically begging me to buy and consume them. Somebody had to do it.

I know this is yet another psychological phenomenon many people struggle with. Beyond a lack of rationale being the reason, there are other factors that can contribute to an inability to accept credit.

One factor is our old friend Imposter Syndrome lurking around, telling us we do not deserve recognition.

Another is the feeling that once you are recognized, you are raising the bar and creating greater expectations. That can lead to anxiety and doubt.

Some people believe in teamwork so deeply that they see every success as belonging to the group, not to the individual.

Others were raised to never brag or boast, and to let their actions speak for them.

And for some, it is simply a genuine discomfort with attention.

All of these reasons are valid. It is fascinating to consider how we can all be told the same words, “Thank you, you did a really great job”, yet each of us experiences those words in a completely different way.

Regardless of your reasons there are simple solutions. The easiest for me was to change my perception. When you are recognizing someone and thanking them, how much of it is for their sake and how much is for you? Appreciate that they are also speaking from their own perspective and voicing their genuine gratitude for you. Don’t deny them that.

I’ve had several experiences with this that I’ve wished I could have back and do-over. Now I just look to do better in the future. To date the best response to someone thanking you for what you do and what you love, comes from our friend “Jukebox” Jake Goldstein. It goes a little something like this “I’m just being me”. Find your own way to accept the credit you deserve, and to thank those that inspired you or brought joy to your life.

* Full Disclaimer – No beds were pooped in or Baby Ruth’s wasted. Many Reese’s Big Cups were sacrificed in research for this blog.